Heart of Darkness

Recently I read Heart of Darkness for the first time. My boyfriend was very surprised first that I hadn’t read it, and secondly surprised that I have never seen Apocalypse Now. I still haven’t remedied the second offense. Outside of Harry Potter and 100 Bullets, this book got me riled up more than anything I’ve read since my undergrad.

I’m not sure what it was about the book that did it. Initially I was surprised to learn that Joseph Conrad could write so well in English when it wasn’t his first or second language, and even more surprised to learn that all of his novels were originally written in English. There are so many other languages that I feel have more eloquence than English, but that is neither here nor there. There was something about this narrative that was surprising. I could imagine myself on this ship listening intently. I’ve never thought this much about a book in recent years, let alone one less than 100 pages long. The language was somewhat difficult, but that’s the case with most written in that time. But that wasn’t it…

He is able to discuss these ideas of love, and not necessarily love of a person. It was certainly possible to conceive of the love that Conrad described as love of Kurtz, but it wasn’t, or at least I don’t think so. It was love of an idea, love of an idea that was more than men, but only achieved through men. Now that I’m writing this, I compare it to my own love of the idea of freedom. It’s romantic and idealistic, and very very naive, but I think it is the grandest idea that man has ever realized. Kurtz realized this idea of freedom in a place where there was none, and that’s romantic. This idea had to be protected, so much so that very few could be trusted with it.

In the end of the book, Marlowe goes and sees Kurtz’s intended wife. And I wonder if he would have found her as beautiful if she didn’t also believe in this idea, and love it. For her though, I think, the idea wasn’t nearly as important as the form it took in Kurtz, because he was this idea personified.

Maybe it is easy to go beyond an idea and into darkness, I suppose that’s why so many geniuses are so close to insanity and very frequently cross that line in times of uncertainty. But it’s the belief that resonates in me, and what I found to be so compelling, first you hear about it in a whisper and a rumor, and when you actually meet it it has the power to take you into a world you’ve never known.